i haven been updating for a long time.

not today too.

Nose Dropping

The people in my office seriously dont understand english.

There has been complains that the air con is super cold, hence the order was given down that the air con must be kept at 23 degrees celcius, with masking tape pasted over the controls and a slip saying "BY ORDERS - TEMP TO BE KEPT AT 23 DEGREES CELCIUS"

Either they're blind or they're blind, today Alan found the temp to be at 16, so i walked over, turned it back to 23 and shouted - "you wait, i sure bring super glue"

remind me

Growing Up

So many things happened for the past few weeks.

I'm writing this post with "Because you live" playing in the background, a song that i always listen to when i think im giving up.

I accepted Ryan's request of giving him tuition for a fee of half of what he is paying now. Not because he cannot afford his previous cost (he is filthy rich), but because deep down inside me im still finding a real male friend whom i can tell shit to. On top of that i would have extra income, so money wouldn be a problem. Time would though, but that has its pros and cons, we meet lesser, you get more time to study, you didnt seem to agree.

Ive decided to sell my desktop to Raymond, and Kenneth agreed to help me fix up a new comp, i didnt get to share that with you before we parted 10mins after we met.

Today i did something which i have never done before, i walked away without looking back at all. I kept on walking and walking. From my house i walked all the way to somewhere near bukit panjang, a place where i am used to in the past because of certain reasons.

Everyone walks, today i did that to clear my mind, i walked not thinking of anything, its just my brain telling my legs to put one foot in front of another. I crossed 3 small roads without looking, luckily or unluckily no car came, and i was hoping somewhere behind me you would grab my shoulder and scold me for not being careful, but no one did.

I walked till my lips were super dry, until i could look up because my neck is straining, then i decided to U-turn back because im scared you are still waiting for me under my block.

On my way back i pass by St Anthony's Primary School. Its dismissal for the kids there and so i managed to look at them while walking. When i was young, i always wanted to grow up, everyone does right? If i grow up i will have more pocket money, i can go out with friends till a later time, ect ect.

Just now when i look at them, i wish i am back at that age, the money that i earn now would have been alot to those kids that are walking past me, never enough for me when im turning 23. Their work now is so much more difficult, but when you are in a class with people of your generation, every work would fall into your brain wouldn it?

I made eye contact with a few of them, and they gave me the innocent look, and im thinking they must be thinking of growing up. God let them enjoy their time before they finally grow up.

Im really tired, mentally and physically. I am frustrated. I am exploding. Yes this is a call for help because i have no one to vent my anger and accumulated frustration on. I show Ashley a few black faces, i shout at Darius for no reasons, i ignored Ryan for nothing, i go walking around the office because i dont know why, but all these isint enough to cool me down. From the first sms in the morning until the time i go to sleep im threading on a time bomb. I always thought that i am super paitent, but apparently i am not, after i met you, i need to clear my mind, and thats why i choosed to walk today, i walked without looking back.

I dont wanna grow up... growing up makes me think, makes me responsible for another person's emotion, growing up means saying bye to my love ones, growing up means 1 day i would have to say bye bye to people who loves me.